An easy way to embrace your sexuality? Wear a miniskirt.
Sometimes, when I’m feeling a bit flirty, I put on my favorite black jean miniskirt.
As I stroll downtown, I love how the breeze caresses my legs and the inevitable feminine vibe.
And I’m not the only one enjoying it! Men ogle at me. Some women smile. Born in the 60s, the miniskirt still represents fun, coquettish fashion and sexual freedom.
But I’ve noticed something particular too. Some women stare at my long legs and frown. This deep frown communicates loudly: Ugh, I’ll never be as pretty or What a slut!
I’m not surprised at all.
Though mass media is highly sexualized, society shames us for our sexuality and our bodies. Yet who we are sexually plays an important role in our relationships, sense of worth and joy.
Our sexuality includes our sexual thoughts, beliefs and behaviors. When we don’t embrace our sexuality, it disconnects us from ourselves and our partners. The resulting guilt and shame can cause us to self-sabotage.
Without a doubt, honoring our whole selves is key to a fulfilling life.
Our body deserves respect
No matter what size, shape or form, our body is a marvel of nature.
Believe it or not, 99.9% of our genes are identical from one person to the next. That means less than 1% genetic difference account for varying traits like eye color and height.
Though our body does amazing things, it’s hard for many people to appreciate it.
Women especially struggle with valuing their body because it doesn’t match conventional standards. Physical assault, injury or illness can make us feel unsafe in our own body.
We tend to devalue our body and ourselves, which disempowers us in all aspects of life—including sexuality. As a result, we might beat ourselves up, chase perfection or deprive ourselves of pleasure. We might miss the opportunity to deepen our relationship with our partner(s).
Because if we’re not comfortable in our own skin, it’s tough to let someone else know us intimately.
Whether we’re in a relationship or not, embracing our body—and our sexuality—is first and foremost a personal affair.
So, take some time to appreciate your body. Look at your body in the mirror and admire all of its nooks and crannies.
What thoughts are you thinking? Would you say that to your inner child?
Can your body just be a body, without labels or judgments?
Letting go of sexual shame
Like many people, my religious upbringing negatively impacted my perception of sex.
As a Pure Land Buddhist, I was taught that sexual desires keep us from achieving inner peace. The Buddha explained in the Sutta Nipata that the craving for sensual pleasures causes suffering.
Many years later, after marrying Loïc at age 23, I learned that sex and sexual desires are natural.
Loïc grew up with progressive parents who regularly invited their friends of all sexual horizons over. Far from being a taboo subject, sexuality was simply an aspect of an adult’s life.
Nowadays, society seems to lean toward a lack of shame around sex. “Sex sells”, as they say. But here’s the thing: sex wouldn’t sell as well if we didn’t have sexual shame.
The unabashed sexual nature of mass media contrasts starkly with how we really feel about our sexual selves—we all want sex but avoid talking about it. We repress our guilt, fear and embarrassment, which isolates us further.
Embracing our sexuality is about being comfortable in our own skin and expressing our true selves.
To me, Buddha’s teaching about restraining sexual activity was meant to invite us laypeople to appreciate sex for what it is: a healthy and essential aspect of human existence.
Because it’s easy to seek validation in external factors like appearance, money, status and sex, it serves us well to learn how to feel good about ourselves without superficial props.
As long as we approach sex consciously, we can enjoy it at any age… without inhibition!
Honoring your sexual self
To embrace your sexuality, Dr. Christiane Northrup encourages us to identify limiting beliefs such as:
- I deserve sexual pleasure only if I look xyz or weigh xyz
- Masturbation is bad or sinful
- Good women don’t sleep around
- My partner or sexual attractiveness determines my worth
- Sex is only for procreation
- My partner’s sexual desires are more important than mine
- Sex should be xyz or look like xyz (e.g. foreplay → penetration → partner’s orgasm/ejaculation → the end)
We can experience sex as physical, emotional, mental and/or spiritual connection with ourselves and others. Having more sex even boosts our immune system, relieves stress and improves heart health.
What’s most important is to acknowledge our shame and discover who are sexually. That way, we can stop depleting our energy being someone we’re not.
So, take small steps toward sexual freedom by taking care of yourself, putting on a sexy outfit or making an erotic collage.
One of the most intimate moments I’ve had with myself was when I spent 8 hours drawing a nude self-portrait. Taking nude selfies does wonders too.
If you’re feeling brave, dare to look at your vulva in the mirror. Sexologist Martha Lee advises us to use the correct terms for our body parts, so that “we can make sense of what we know and feel in our body.”
Need a helping hand (pun intended)? Learn what gives you pleasure with the HappyPlayTime app.
Bring your full awareness to the experience: go slowly and focus on any pleasurable sensations. Let go of any expectations and explore what kind of touch feels good. Breathe deeply.
Everyone deserves to enjoy sexual pleasure.
Freedom to be who you are
Ultimately, embracing your sexuality is about reclaiming your full potential.
Because anytime we say “yes” when we want to say “no” (and vice versa), we’re not being true to who we are. For many people, integrating their sexuality is the missing piece to joy.
Like any other emotion, sexual feelings come and go. Yet so much baggage obstructs their natural flow.
With enough courage and curiosity, we can learn how to let go rigid beliefs, welcome our sexuality…
And allow the most delectable life possible.
About the author
Annie Moussu is a spiritual coach offering practical wisdom to awakening souls. The world needs your inner peace. Sign up for her newsletter to get blog articles twice a month.